From Paper and Pen to Telling Her Best Friend
by gleeklover527
Summary: "Emptying the rest of the bottle in one drink she opened the notepad to a new page and began to write. It was becoming a routine, sadly. Almost every night since that day she would sit and think, sit and write. It was all the different ways she could tell Maura how she felt."


She knew she had been distant. She had been keeping her distance for a while now. Since the night she jumped into the water off of that bridge. It easily stacked up as one of the dumbest decisions that she had ever made. Jane sat alone in _The Robber_ and looked down at the beer in her hand. Luckily, no one she knew was in her tonight. Taking out her notepad and pen from the inside of her jacket she put it on the table.

Emptying the rest of the bottle in one drink she opened the notepad to a new page and began to write. It was becoming a routine, sadly. Almost every night since that day she would sit and think, sit and write. It was all the different ways she could tell Maura how she felt. Some of the ideas were ridiculous (sending her a singing telegram with Carly Rae Jepsen's, _I Really like You_ ) while others were a little too forward (proposing in the bullpen). They ranged from outrageous and over the top to expensive and extravagant. However, no matter how many ideas she came up with none of them gave her the guts to actually admit them out loud.

She heard the door of the bar open and she didn't have to look up to know who walked through the door. She could feel the hazel eyes, hear the sound of the high heels against the floor, and when the figure approached the smell of that perfume. The same perfume that Jane had bought her when she had come down to the morgue to apologize for taking such a risk.

"You don't look like you want company."

"No one but yours." Jane stood up and motioned for her best friend to take the seat across from her. She signaled to the bartender to give her a new beer and to have Maura's usual.

"What case are you working on?" The detective's eyes widened and shut the notepad quickly before stuffing it into her pocket as she sat back down.

"Just some doodles. Nothing interesting."

"Okay, then." Maura thanked the woman that sat down their drinks and looked over at her friend, "Are you feeling alright? You seem agitated. Maybe, I should just go."

"No, don't go." Jane reached out for the closest hand and squeezed it, "Please, I'll try to be better company."

"Are you sure?" She looked down at the table and drew invisible circles with her manicured finger, "You've been a bit distant as of late."

So, Maura had noticed it. They hadn't discussed anything which made Jane assume that she must be doing a good job of coming up with excuses and not going over to the doctor's house as often. She had obviously been completely wrong about the situation.

"It's not you…"

"It's not you, it's me." The blonde looked at her best friend with sad eyes, "You're not the first person to use that excuse with me. I just thought I would never have to hear it from you."

"Maura, what are you talkin' about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that men have said that to me many times over the years. But, guess what? It _is_ me. I'm the problem, I'm the common denominator in all these relationships, including ours. You can say that the distance is about you but I'm not an idiot. I am the _only one_ that you're distancing yourself from. So, it's me Jane."

"That's not true and that's not what's happening here." She licked her lips and thought about wat she could say next, "It's more complicated than that."

"What's so complicated? You're finally sick of me. Just like my parents, Hope, Cailin, Ian. I should have known that it was inevitable that it would eventually care over to you."

"Maura…" Jane tried to interrupt her but failed miserably when Maura never stopped talking.

"But I thought that at least you would have enough respect for me that you would tell me to my face." Opening her purse she threw down a fifty, "Since I interrupted you I'll cover tonight."

Jane stared after the blonde as she walked back out the door. She had really made a mess of things tonight. Shaking her head, she mumbled what the hell under her breath, and ran the same path. When she got outside she caught a glimpse of Maura's coat rounding the corner and sprinted to catch up to her.

"Maura, stop!" She lightly pulled at her right arm and waited until the doctor turned around, "You can't just leave without letting me talk or defend myself."

"You did have time and you went with the same defense as everyone else. Excuse me if I'll choose not to sit through it again."

Jane took her unoccupied hand and reached into her jacket pocket. Taking a deep breath she handed over the notepad, "Open it."

Maura looked down skeptically at the notepad in her hand, "You think this is going to fix everything?"

"No, I don't think it'll fix anything. But I think it'll answer your questions."

Jane watched as Maura opened the notepad and began to read. Her face changed from anger and hurt to confusion and disbelief. Jane could feel her hands becoming clammier by the second and all of a sudden she was transported back to the academy when she was watching her instructors grade her assignments. It was nerve-wracking without any comments from her best friend. She looked down at her wrist to check her watch because surely enough time had passed that it was nearing daylight. It felt like she had been standing on this sidewalk for forever.

"Jane, is this…is this for me? About us?"

"Yes, yes to both." She looked up at the sky and tried not to cry, "When I jumped off that bridge, Maura. I was so stupid. Do you remember when I came down to your office and apologized? Told you I didn't think about you guys until after?"

"Yes, I remember that."

"When I was in that water, I promised myself that if I made it out alive then I would tell you. Would tell you what I've been too afraid to say out loud, been too stubborn to admit." Jane let out a sigh and gave into the eye contact she was scared to give but knew she had to, "I love you. I've loved you for years but I…"

Jane felt herself being interrupted this time but it was quite different than her strategy from earlier. Maura's lips were on top of hers and she could taste the blonde's tears on her lips. Ending the kiss she placed one on Maura's jaw.

"Next time, just talk to me. I love you, Jane. Please, don't shut me out again."

"I'll do better. I'm hard to love at times."

"At times, maybe, but you're always worth it." Looking back down at the notepad she let out a laugh, "Telling me you loved me in the middle of an autopsy?"

"Not my best idea."

"Or what about the yelling it from the rooftop of BPD?"

"It was a brainstorming process, not all of them were going to be perfect. This one wasn't on the list, for obvious reasons. I really screwed this up, huh?"

"No, you didn't. I liked the way you told me and I would have liked any of these."

"Even during a game of Charades with my family?"

"Even that. It doesn't matter how you told me, Jane. It only matters that you did." Maura reconnected their lips in a brief kiss.

"Can I have my notepad back?"

"Why would I give this back to you? It's all about me anyway and I love it."

"I might need it for later."

"What else could you possibly need it for? There's no other woman that you're ever saying those words to."

Jane let out a strong laugh at that statement, "I was thinking I might need it for another occasion with you. Maybe, one day, I might have an important question to ask you. I might want to brainstorm about that."

Maura handed the notepad back to her and smiled, "I love you, Jane Rizzoli."

"I love you too, Maur. Love you more each second of each day." Jane kissed the top of her head and held the blonde in her arms. All of this work for this moment.

It was worth it.


End file.
